Tuesday, April 29, 2014

curtains for my computer

curtains for my computer

Customer: Hey Shopkeeper I want some curtains for my computer 
Shopkeeper: Why do u need curtains for your computer?
Customer: Oh you don't know my computer has windows 

pay a little attention

very naughty children

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?

Student: Yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can.!!

Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?

are you worried about mad cow disease?

Monday, April 28, 2014

keep the money

the judge announced

Peter went to trial for armed robbery. The judge announced, "Not guilty."

"That's great! shouted Peter. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Business is going well

GOOD BURGER
A man walks past a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand.
One day the man walks past the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding out both his hands. He asks: “Why are you holding out both of your hands?”

The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch".

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

She buys a handgun

i will kill my self

A young woman is worried because she fears her husband is having an affair,

so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful girl.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed,

begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the woman responds to the husband,


''Shut up...you're next!''

Sunday, April 13, 2014

afraid of heights

afraid of heights

they cut my finger

they cut my finger

Two children John  and Peter , were sitting outside a clinic.
John  happened to be crying very loudly.
“Why are you crying?“ Peter asked.
“I came here for a blood test,“ sobbed John.
“So? Are you afraid?“
“No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Peter heard this, he immediately began crying
very loudly.
Amazed, John stopped his tears and asked Peter,
“Why are you crying now?“
To which Peter replied, “I came for a urine test!“

Saturday, April 12, 2014

BEAN IN LONDON

LOL

He asked his boss for two more weeks

wedding


Peter  had just returned from two weeks' holiday.

He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.

“What!” shouted the boss.

“I can’t give you more time now. Why didn’t you get married while you were off?”


“Are you nuts?” replied Peter. “That would have ruined my entire holiday!”

Friday, April 11, 2014

Thug broke into my house

THUGS
A guy was telling his friends: "Last night while I was down at the pub with you guys, a thug broke into my house."  
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked. 

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out and a pair of broken nuts, The wife thought it was me coming home drunk!" 

Thursday, April 10, 2014

HIGH SPEED JOKES

cars



The cop: “You were exceeding the speed limit, weren’t you?”


The driver: “Yes, I was, but you see my brakes are so bad that I

wanted to get home before I had an accident.”




Tuesday, April 1, 2014

the fastest car on the planet

a talking car

April Fools Day

funny stuff


April Fools Day is an informal holiday celebrated every year on 

April 1. It is not a national holiday, but is widely recognized and 

celebrated in various countries as a day when people play practical 

jokes and hoaxes on each other, called April fools.