Saturday, November 30, 2013
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Peter received his plate, he started eating right away. “Peter, wait until we say our prayer,“ his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to,“ the little boy replied. “Of course you do,“ his mother insisted, “we say a prayer before eating at our house.“ “That’s at our house,“ Peter explained, “but this is grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.“
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Mary , a young lady aged about twenty years old, walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, “What do you want for Christmas?“ “Something for my mother, please,“ replied Mary sweetly. “Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,“ smiled Santa. “What would you like me to bring her?“ Without turning a hair Mary answered quickly, “A son-in-law.“
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
A couple were having problems so they went to a marriage councillor. He said: “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then said: “Can you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?” The guy leaned over to his wife's hand gently, and whispered, “Self-raising, isn’t it?”
Friday, November 22, 2013
A sales manager and an operation manager went bear hunting. While the operation manager stayed in the cabin, the sales manager went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward the sales manager, who started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear jumped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The sales manager jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"
Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed, stealing things. I phoned the police but was told nobody was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up. A minute later, I phoned again. ”Hello” I said, ”I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to worry now because I shot them.” Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said, ”I thought you said you shot them.” To which I replied, ”I thought you said there was no one available.”
Friday, October 11, 2013
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling
“Mommy” she said, ”can we leave now?” “No,” her mother
“Well, I think I have to throw up!”
“Then go out the front door and around to the back
Of the church and throw up behind a bush.”
After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.
“Did you throw up?” Mom asked.
“How could you have gone all the way to the back
of the church and returned so quickly?”
“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy.
They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick.’