Friday, May 9, 2014

I haven’t heard them in over a week

heaven on earth


Peter, one of the world‘s greatest hypochondriacs (a person who always thinks he‘s 

sick but isn‘t really), bumped into his doctor one day at the supermarket.

“Doc!” Peter exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept 

on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!”

“Wow! What wonderful news Peter! I’m so happy for you!” his doctor exclaimed.


“Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Peter. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m 

afraid my hearing is starting to go now!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I married you for your money

It's just too hot


It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

HUSBAND & WIFE JOKE

It cuts off my circulation


Wife: Why don't you ever wear your wedding ring?
 Husband: It cuts off my circulation.
 Wife: It's supposed to.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

What's the matter?

school bus
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. 
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" 
"No, I', okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

A boy is assigned homework

three little pigs



A boy is assigned homework to have his parents read him a bedtime story. Upon reaching home, his father reads him a variation of the "Three Little Pigs." The story covered everything from the threat of the
wolf, to the new addition of the pigs buying their materials, to the pigs defeating the wolf. In class the next day, the teacher asked the boy what the man selling sticks thought when the pig came to his door. The boy
promptly answered, "Holy cow, a talking pig!"

Thursday, May 1, 2014

You know what's really worrying me?

two elderly woman

Two elderly women (90's plus) were discussing life on their front porch when one said, "You know what's really worrying me?" Her friend answered "No, what's really worrying you?" "I am so old all my friends in the celestial Kingdom will be thinking I didn't make it!"

The frog is thrilled

THE LONELY FROG


A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future held.
His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

curtains for my computer

curtains for my computer

Customer: Hey Shopkeeper I want some curtains for my computer 
Shopkeeper: Why do u need curtains for your computer?
Customer: Oh you don't know my computer has windows 

pay a little attention

very naughty children

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?

Student: Yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can.!!

Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?

are you worried about mad cow disease?

Monday, April 28, 2014

keep the money

the judge announced

Peter went to trial for armed robbery. The judge announced, "Not guilty."

"That's great! shouted Peter. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

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