Sunday, June 29, 2014

Very large hands

helping hands

If you have 3 apples and 4 oranges in a hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand what do you have?

Very large hands

Saturday, June 28, 2014

The nun made a note

free jokes

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching. 'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large 
pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 
'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Friday, June 27, 2014

Why are you taking so long?

best golfer
Did you hear about the golfer trying to buy a new golf club?
He looked at club after club after club. 
His friend asked him "Why are you taking so long?
"He replied "I am looking for a hole in one!"

Jealous Foreman

skill development

John was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.
"Why did the foreman fire you?" the friend asked in surprise. 
"Oh," John said. 
"You know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work"
"We all know that," replied his friend. 
"But why did he let you go?"
"Jealousy," answered John. 
"All the other workers thought I was the foreman."

Friday, May 23, 2014

Where do I go from here?

to the gym

A man who was buying a sports shirt found the largest size was even not fitting.
“Where do I go from here?” he asked the clerk

“To the gym,” she replied.

Monday, May 19, 2014

funny funny jokes

funny funny jokes

James to his girlfriend Maria: "I'm not rich like Craig, I don't have a bid house like Craid, I don't have an expensive fast car like Craig, I'm not as good looking as Craid but honey I love you!" Maria to James: "I love you too - now tell me some more about Craig!"

Sunday, May 18, 2014

What happened to the baby ?

pregnant woman

For weeks a little boy told his teacher about the baby that was coming to his house. One day, his mother let him feel the baby move in her tummy. He then stopped telling the teacher about the baby. The teacher finally asked, "What happened to the baby you were expecting at your house?" The boy broke into tears and said, "I think my Mommy ate it!"

Friday, May 9, 2014

I haven’t heard them in over a week

heaven on earth

Peter, one of the world‘s greatest hypochondriacs (a person who always thinks he‘s 

sick but isn‘t really), bumped into his doctor one day at the supermarket.

“Doc!” Peter exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept 

on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!”

“Wow! What wonderful news Peter! I’m so happy for you!” his doctor exclaimed.

“Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Peter. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m 

afraid my hearing is starting to go now!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I married you for your money

It's just too hot

It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


It cuts off my circulation

Wife: Why don't you ever wear your wedding ring?
 Husband: It cuts off my circulation.
 Wife: It's supposed to.