ONLINE JOKES

Q.  Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A. Take your foot off his head. 


Q.What did the Grape say when the man sat on it? 
A. Nothing it just gave a little wine!!!


Q. What do you do if a bird shirts on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.


Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q.Why is divorce so expensive? 

A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Why was the washing machine laughing?
A. Because it was taking the piss out the underpants

Press any key to continue, where's the any key?

“Money can’t buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.”

COOL JOKES

@ I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up    
     my pillow was missing!

@ Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear 
     bright until you hear them speak.

@ We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the 
     police.

@ If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

@ War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

@ A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at 
    kick boxing.

@ I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


@ Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

@ Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

@ We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

@ I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

@ Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

@ Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

@ If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?

@ When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire 
     Department usually uses water.

@ Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

HUMOR JOKES

Why Dogs are Better than Humans!

@ Dogs love it when your friends come over.

@ The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see       

     you.

@ Dogs will forgive you for playing with other    

     dogs.

@ Anyone can get a good looking dog.

@ Dogs don't care if you haven't taken a shower in 

     days.

@ Dogs think every meal you cook is just perfect.

@ Dogs even find you amusing when you're drunk!