What Is This Thing Called?

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2016?

TWO MISTAKES TO AVOID WHEN WRITING AN EXAM

personal psychic advisor

A lonely frog telephone the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future held. His personal psychic advisor tells. him "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." 

The frog is thrilled "This is great! will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.

"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

  

A man is complaining to a friend

A man is complaining to a friend: "I had it all, money, a beautiful house, a nice car, a great motorcycle, the love of a beautiful woman. 

Then it was all gone!" " What happened?" asks the friend. "My wife found out!" replied the man   

Whose Profession Came First

A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are going out golfing. They are trying to decide whose profession came first. 

The doctor says, “My profession came first because when God removed Adam’s rib he performed surgery.”

The engineer then says, “No, no, no. When the earth was dark and void God created light. That was engineering.”

The lawyer says, “You’re both wrong.”

The doctor and engineer reply, “Oh yeah? What makes you think yours came first?”

The lawyer replies, “Where do you think the darkness came from?”

summer time

Very large hands

If you have 3 apples and 4 oranges in a hand and 4 apples and 3 oranges in the other hand what do you have?

Very large hands

The nun made a note

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE. God is watching. 'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large 

pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 

'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

Why are you taking so long?

Did you hear about the golfer trying to buy a new golf club?

He looked at club after club after club. 

His friend asked him "Why are you taking so long?

"He replied "I am looking for a hole in one!"

Jealous Foreman

John was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.
"Why did the foreman fire you?" the friend asked in surprise. 
"Oh," John said. 
"You know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work"
"We all know that," replied his friend. 
"But why did he let you go?"
"Jealousy," answered John. 
"All the other workers thought I was the foreman."