REALLY FUNNY JOKES

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge. 

If at first you don't succeed, try left field. 

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"? 


I have not yet begun to procrastinate. 

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

SA JOKES

LATEST JOKES

What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day?
Owl be yours!

Male: I would die for you... 
Female: Prove it

I love animals, they taste great.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

BEST JOKE

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.

Q: How did the frog cross the road when a truck was coming? 
A: SPLAT!!! He didn’t.

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his “paw.”

What dog always gets on everyone’s nerves? A great pane!

TIP

FREE JOKES

1st friend:
can i use your phone to call my girlfriend ?

2nd friend:
ya sure,
just redial....!

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

FUNNIEST JOKES

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Golfer: "How do you like my game?" 
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." 

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" 
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." 

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." 
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." 

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." 
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

SHORT CLEAN JOKES

Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar
I can't believe that!

Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money until it is all gone.

A narrow mind has a broad tongue.

Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? 

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Any given computer program, when running, is obsolete.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Your so short that ur the last person to know its raining

Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!

FUNNY JOKES

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

FUNNY BIRTHDAY JOKES

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31


1st person: “Excuse me, but is that the sun or the moon?”
2nd person: “I don’t know. I’m new to these parts too.”


A friend of mine had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they would take up less room.


No one is listening until you fart.


Whats the diff between your wife and your job? After 10 years your job still sucks


Folk say you only fall in love once, but whenever I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.


It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.


HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management,


The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing,


"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.

jokes jokes jokes

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. 


If you can't convince them, confuse them. 


If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?


You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.


It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.


Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? 


Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. 


Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. 


I took an IQ test the results were negative