Saturday, June 30, 2012


Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge. 

If at first you don't succeed, try left field. 

Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"? 

I have not yet begun to procrastinate. 

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Saturday, June 9, 2012



What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day?
Owl be yours!

Male: I would die for you... 
Female: Prove it

I love animals, they taste great.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Saturday, June 2, 2012



I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.

Q: How did the frog cross the road when a truck was coming? 
A: SPLAT!!! He didn’t.

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his “paw.”

What dog always gets on everyone’s nerves? A great pane!

Saturday, May 12, 2012



1st friend:
can i use your phone to call my girlfriend ?

2nd friend:
ya sure,
just redial....!

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Saturday, April 28, 2012



How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Golfer: "How do you like my game?" 
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." 

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" 
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day." 

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." 
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago." 

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." 
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

Friday, April 20, 2012



Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar
I can't believe that!

Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money until it is all gone.

A narrow mind has a broad tongue.

Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? 

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

Any given computer program, when running, is obsolete.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Your so short that ur the last person to know its raining

Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!

Thursday, April 5, 2012


You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?

They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

swimming lessons